What do you want?
She feels unheard and unsupported. She knows she is loved and that her life is amazing, and yet there is this undercurrent of anxiety or sense of something not quite being right that plagues her. She has voiced concern and expressed that she needs a little more help around the house and feels frustrated that he is not giving her “permission” to let go of more. But maybe she needs to give herself permission. And maybe, the real root issue is that she has not yet come to a place of clearly discerning what it is that she truly wants and needs.
Sometimes blame or frustration with another person is simply a symptom of feeling frustrated with ourselves. And when we quiet ourselves, or take the time to hash out our feelings with a friend or sister, we see the truth. We see that we have been afraid to do the hard work of sifting through our needs, conflicting wants, and our responsibilities to get clear on who and how we want to be for this season of life. What we will prioritize, what we will be willing to say no to, what we will not compromise on. (Watch this funny but telling video on blame)
Maybe we need to stop looking for permission from another human being and begin by asking ourselves, “What do you want and need?”
The conversation will then look and feel different emerging from this place of greater inner clarity. We will then speak with greater calm and confidence. We can advocate for ourselves more effectively and take personal responsibility for that which we control.
If you saw her and her life you’d probably imagine that she has no concerns. She is beautiful and competent and financially stable. But she is also often close to tears. Her worth is very wrapped up in her family’s happiness and wellbeing – but we cannot control other people – not their moods, their decisions, their personalities, their struggles or successes. She has high standards and a huge heart and is also a little overwhelmed and undernourished. But she has reached out for support. And after chatting a short while she realizes that in a decade she has not stopped long enough to actually ask herself what it is that SHE wants or needs.
It is so easy to live busy, loving and serving our families, or doing the next responsible thing, but neglect ourselves until we feel… not unhappy with our overall life… but somehow drained. And like we need more or different but can’t quite identify what.
When is the last time you paused and asked, and truly listened in for the answer, “What do you want or need?”
This idea of asking you to pause, to get curious, to listen in, and uncover what it is that you want or need is central to the work I do. I come alongside and support with education and encouragement, but the goal is not for me to dictate how you should look, feel, behave. Rather, I help you dig in and decide for yourself who and how you want to be. I invite you to explore, let go, become more fully yourself, identify your strengths and weaknesses. And then I offer you a safe space to step into who and how you choose to be.
If you are in this place, ready to begin living with more clarity – more purpose, health and JOY- a dip your toe in starting place would be my 30 Days to CALM Mini Course. A deeper dive with me might mean saying yes to my signature course, REVITALIZED (read some of the testimonials here)!
So what do you want or need?
I love using worksheets and simple Life Visioning exercises in my own life and with clients or the women who take my classes. They are simple but profoundly useful tools. Whenever I feel an undercurrent of anxiety in my life it is a sign that I need to pause and listen in. But also to pull out my sticky notes and work sheets and remind myself that I get to choose who I become – I get to craft a life that is meaningful to me. I get to slow down, and say no, and say yes to those things which nourish me deeply and help me live unshackled and full of purpose, health and JOY.
Some women love creating Vision Boards to get clear on what they want or need but a blogger I follow, Rachel W Cole, recently invited folks to create a Fulfillment Pyramid to identify those things which help us feel and live well-nourished. Well, this is right up my alley and I joyfully joined the party!
Her PDF (free if you sign up for email updates on her website) provides the printable to create your own pyramid as well as some suggestions to get you started. There are a multitude of ways to make use of the pyramid idea and I may create a few of my own. But to get started, I trusted my intuition and filled in my Fulfillment Pyramid with information that I already check in with daily (my Mission and Mind-Body-Spirit Intentions), at least monthly (my 10 S Doing Words), and occasionally (my Back to Basics list and my Foundation of Belief about who I am or my identity-I’ve added to that section that I am a child of God).
You can see my quick, decidedly unglamorous first pyramid in the photo above. You artsy types will probably want to make yours prettier; you can make these with your children or students. Maybe yours will simply contain one word or meaningful image per side.
Rachel has asked readers who create a Fulfillment Pyramid to share them on social media with the hashtag #fulfillmentpyramid. I’d love for you to tag me, too, or share your pic with me.
So again, I ask: What Do You Want or Need? And if you don’t know yet, are you willing to do the hard work to uncover the answers?
P.S. keep your eyes open for a gift I am putting together for you all – encouraging and inspirational tips, resources and suggested action steps to help move you into deeper Mind-Body Nourishment. These tips have been gathered far and wide from some of the beautiful women in my online and local circle of contacts who work in women’s health and wellness in some manner. They are doctors and doulas, coaches and counsellors, nurses, energy workers and writers. Sign up for email updates to get yours!