Bravely Face Your Fear For a Kinder, Gentler Life

Inside: If you genuinely want to step off the hamster wheel and enjoy an unbusy life, then you will need to face your fear. This post includes referral links.

I had never felt that I fit well in this noisy, competitive, frenetic world; fear told me that I didn’t have what it takes. And maybe many of us feel this way.

But as I’ve journeyed from fear to greater freedom I have come to the realization that I can forge my own path and look for quieter examples to show me the way. My body and soul need and a slower, simpler, sustainable life.

Something else that helped me is that I discovered that what I had perceived to be some of my greatest weaknesses are, in fact, some of my greatest strengths.

I am stubborn and determined. I’m hungry for truth and authenticity. I question, and wrestle, and push back doggedly against messages that tell us our worth comes in a bigger house, a smaller body, a mindless going with the flow.

And all of these qualities have helped me practice a kinder and gentler way of being in my body and life.

RELATED: The Befriend Your Inner Critic Workshop

I want something different: A Slower, Simpler, Unbusy Life

Unless we stand up and face our fear, though, it is near impossible to build and walk out an unbusy, purposeful life.

Fear can be a wise messenger (like every other emotion). But fear unchecked can sabotage us in many ways. For example, it often seems like its sole mission is to keep us bound and defeated. Hiding under the covers. Stuck in never good enough and settling for the status quo.

It is also important to remember that if we are growth-minded people, committed to ongoing learning throughout the seasons of our life, we will encounter new fears along the way. We will meet new challenges and opportunities that we have not met before. And this may feel activating as any uncertainty or newness typically is.

This isn’t bad or wrong. It’s human.

So if you feel like you’ve gone backwards, because all of a sudden you’re feeling anxiety or fear again, look around. Notice that you are stretching once more or perhaps life is messy in a brand new way. Be kind to yourself.

go Nose to Nose with Fear for an Unbusy Life

We can’t outrun fear. This means that if you are seeking an unbusy life (a slower, simpler, more sustainable life) then it is imperative that you face fear head on. That you get honest about all the ways it is showing up in your life and holding you back from living joyfully, on purpose.

1. Deepen self-awareness and self-compassion.

Deepening self awareness is protective IF it is combined with self-compassion. It helps us become clear about who we are, how we learn, what motivates us and terrifies us, what triggers us and why. Self awareness feeds into self compassion as it helps us identify both our strengths and weaknesses and begin to embrace the fullness of who we are without shame. 

Getting super honest about where we have messed up (if relevant) and offering ourselves permission to be real about who we choose to be and the life we want to lead is a solid starting point.

Action step:  Investigate introversion, high sensitivity, or Enneagram type, your Love language, and/or take a spiritual gifting inventory. Or read more about growing into your True Self.

2. Develop a sound stress mindset.

Anything valuable in this life involves a measure of stress and not all stress is bad. Consider for a moment that walking away from a lucrative career that does not align with your values, having kids, building a lasting marriage, offering friendship when you’ve been burned before, these all involve a measure of stress but they are all worth it, right?

A sound stress mindset also includes understanding that it is often our perception of the event more than the event itself which holds the potential to do us harm. This can change your life.

Action step: read The Upside of Stress by Kelly McGonigal. Or read the post The Beautiful Gift of Changing Your Thinking.

3. Remind yourself where your worth comes from.

If we are not clear on where our worth comes from we might run from one form of bondage or misery to another, trying to fit in or feel good enough. Are you building the life YOU want or do you find yourself pulled into some else’s vision?

Though fear may tell you otherwise, your worth does not come from a book deal or the number of FB followers you boast. It does not come from a perfectly crafted minimalist wardrobe, a location independent lifestyle, nor the number of degrees you hold.

Freedom comes, in part, through knowing where your worth comes from. And when we have deep roots of self-awareness and self-compassion, we are less easily shaken by circumstance or other peoples opinions.

Action step: take 20 minutes to journal or reflect on where your worth comes from. You may need to question some old beliefs or automatic assumptions that no longer serve you.

4. Do things that scare you. And hold the outcome loosely.

Even folks in the slow lane need to show up each day and do hard work. Sometimes that hard work is giving yourself permission to cuddle on the couch with your kiddos watching Netflix (rest can be hard too!). While other days it involves making scary decisions or stepping out of your comfort zone.

Publishing an article when you know it is imperfect but you no longer want perfectionism to hold you back, putting your child back into school when you thought you’d home-school forever, letting people see the real you – take you or leave you.

Do things that scare you and don’t worry so much about the end result. Often life turns out both harder and even more amazing than we could have ever planned for ourselves.

Action step: Create a mantra for the year that reminds you to take joy in the messy journey. Don’t wait for fear to disappear before you risk love, put your work into the world, or walk out your values. Practice showing up through fear.

5. Challenge the stories fear tells you for an unbusy life

Fear can be loud, bossy, and all-consuming. Sometimes (not always) fear shows up as the Inner Critic. Until befriended, the Inner Critic can be vicious at times and often mingles truth with fiction.

You must learn to rein in your thoughts. You can learn to question whether or not everything fear or Inner Critic tells you is truth, whole truth, and nothing but the truth. And you can learn to, more of the time, pull your mind and heart back to the present day or moment and focus on who and how you choose to be today.

Circling back to number 1, I often tell my clients and community members that self-awareness without self-compassion can lead you into a shame spiral or into deeper self-judgment.

You need to be anchored in self-compassion. This allows you to witness the truth that you are both strength and struggle and there is no shame in this. You may have made mistakes and you are in progress and can be proud of your growth. Perfection is not required.

You are human in a messy world. Practicing, becoming, growing more fully into yourself. And likely, evolving through different seasons.

Action step: Build community with other curious and growth-minded people. We benefit from models of a kinder, gentler way of being in our bodies and lives, and joy is amplified in community.

If you genuinely want to step off the hamster wheel and begin living uncluttered, unshackled and unbusy, then you will need to face fear. And learn to show up fully to life through fear. You don’t have to do it perfectly, you don’t have to do it alone, but you do have to show up and do the work. It’ll be worth it.

Krista xo