One day, it feels like a lifetime ago now, I decided to befriend myself. I embraced my “good enough” and began learning to quiet the noise of perfectionism, comparison, fear and shame so that I could show up fully to this imperfect and beautiful life of mine.
I learned to forgive myself for all my struggle and messiness, learned to approve of who and how I am, to witness my gifting, and I realized that I am far stronger, braver and more resilient than I ever understood before. Not all at once, but daily, as a practice.
Since then, I’ve put down strong, hardy roots of self-awareness and self-compassion and help my clients and community do this life-giving work too.
You do not have to live in judgment anymore – comparing yourself to others or trying to keep up or measure up. You do not have to live in shame simply because you’re human in a messy world. You can shake off the lie that you are bad, wrong, or broken.
You can befriend yourself and decide once and for all that you are enough.
what does it mean to befriend yourself?
Apparently, Italian Renaissance sculptor, painter, architect, and poet, Michelangelo, once said “the sculpture is already complete within the marble block before I start my work. It is already there; I just have to chisel away the superfluous material.”
This is how I envision the process of befriending ourselves. It’s like peeling away old stories and conditioning, shaking off shame and judgment, uprooting what no longer deserves space in our bodies or lives to reveal the full, beautiful truth of who we are. Who we’ve always been but developed ways of feeling safe and loved in this messy world.
When you befriend yourself you get to know your true self underneath all the conditioning, comparison, heartache, and trying to keep up and measure up. It means you accept yourself exactly who and how you are even as you do the work to heal, restore, or grow into yourself.
It means that you learn to listen inward and respond bravely and compassionately to what you hear and learn to trust that you are wise and the expert on your own life.
And befriending yourself means that no matter what’s happening in or around you, you’re on your own side; You no longer mask, hide, bully or betray yourself.
Befriending ourselves is about brave and compassionate relationship – it’s always a work in progress. It gets richer and deeper over time.
10 posts to help you befriend yourself + deepen your roots
REMEMBER: You’re not bad, wrong, or broken or a problem to be fixed. Befriend yourself exactly who and how you are: a messy tangle of strength and struggle just like the rest of us. An imperfect and beautiful life in progress. Human in a messy world.
How to Befriend yourself: 10 Ideas To Deepen Self-Awareness
Learning to befriend yourself requires that you learn to love and value yourself. Self-awareness helps us show up to work, relationships, to all of life — with integrity and confidence. These 10 ideas will help you get to know yourself better and deepen your roots of self-awareness and self-compassion. Read the full post here.
How Cycle Awareness Helps You Love Yourself Well and Embrace Purposeful Living (In Every Life Season!)
This post is in the works. In the meantime, you can practice planting and watering one small seed at a time with my Seasonal Mindfulness Journals (available in soft cover and digital versions). I created them to help you mine for the wisdom and beauty in ever season. Learn more here.
Are YOU A Highly Sensitive Person? WHY THIS WILL CHANGE YOUR LIFE FOR THE BETTER
I was not bad, wrong, or broken– I was a highly sensitive soul working incredibly hard to find my way, without help, in a world that isn’t great at honouring diversity. Read the full post here.
Self-Compassion Will Help you Become Your Own Best Friend
Practicing self-compassion lowers self-judgment and depressive symptoms, decreases stress, increases resilience and feelings of self-worth.. If I could offer you one gift it would be the gift of self-compassion. Read the full post here.
HOW TO PRACTICE FIERCE SELF-COMPASSION to get unstuck
People who practice self compassion are shown to be more motivated, less afraid to fail, have more self-confidence and a higher degree of self responsibility, are more resilient and better at coping in difficult situations. There are two types of self-compassion that work together to create a caring force for ourselves. The first is what we most often associate with compassion and that is called tender self-compassion. Read the full post here.
How to Befriend my Inner Critic and Quiet its Noise
Here’s the really interesting and important thing – our inner critic is not actually out to harm us. Our inner critic is trying to protect us! Just as our nervous system’s job is to keep us safe and alive and develops self-protective patterns that become instinctual and operate far-past the season of life in which we needed them (or most felt that we needed them), so our inner critic tries to keep us safe albeit in maladaptive ways. Read the full post here.
7 ACCESSIBLE WAYS TO BUILD RESILIENCE IN THE STORM
Simply because we’re human in a messy world, we will experience stress, pain, and hard life circumstances. We can’t control everything that happens but we can put down hardy roots that keep us anchored and resilient. Read the full post.
HOW TO STAY HEALTHY IN FALL AND WINTER: 10 SCIENCE-BASED SELF CARE TIPS
In this post I offer 10 science-based self-care tips that help me stay healthy through the dark and cold autumn and winter seasons. Read the full post here.
7 SELF-CARE PRACTICES FOR WHEN LIFE FEELS PAINFUL
Self-care is always important yet easily neglected. In painful seasons of life when it feels like we’re drowning it can feel incredibly hard to see our way forward. These 7 self-care practices help me show up when life is painful. Read the full post.
Finally Deciding You’re Good Enough Can Quietly Change the World
Finally deciding I am good enough means instead of hiding I take personal responsibility and use my words and life to help build the world I want to live in. Read the full post here.
Those who have a strong sense of love and belonging have the courage to be imperfect.– Brené Brown
NOW WHAT? resources to help you befriend yourself
Take the next step.
compassionate, trauma-aware, evidence-based coaching
I offer mind-body support to brave, weary + curious women+ as they learn to befriend their true self underneath all the conditioning, heartache, and trying to keep up and measure up, honour their wiring, reclaim their voice and agency, and ultimately feel safe, at home, and joyful in their body and their life in every season. Even the hardest of them. Learn more about how we can work together.
the brave + beautiful membership community
The Brave and Beautiful Membership Community is one way that as brave, curious, and weary women+ in the messy middle of life we can gather together, forge healthy relationships, and practice choosing our response to life. You’ll receive quality evidence-based education, weekly coaching, and an invitation to quarterly workshops to nourish and strengthen you mind, emotion, and body. BB members also receive two free courses about the trait of high sensitivity and exploring the enneagram. Learn more about The Brave and Beautiful Community.
befriend your inner critic: JOIN THIS WORKSHOP IF…
- You need to get clear on how your inner critic is harming you (for instance, it leads to shame, low self-esteem, depression, self-doubt and undermines self-confidence).
- You’re soooo weary of hiding, comparing, masking, or bullying yourself and otherwise holding yourself back from the business, life, relationships, or other values-aligned work you want to be doing in the world.
- You’re curious about why we’d want to befriend our inner critic instead of eradicating it. And how to move toward and build a healthy relationship with our inner critic instead of turning to our habitual self-protective patterns.
- You need tips around understanding the role of perfectionism and fear in your life and concrete strategies to face fear head-on and begin walking in greater freedom and (joyful) possibility.
- You’re a highly sensitive soul in a noisy world and need a gentler, intentional, sustainable way of being in the world or you’re a weary human who needs to be reminded that you are not bad, wrong, or broken. You do not need fixing. You have what it takes to show up fully to your messy and beautiful life.