One day, it feels like a lifetime ago now, I decided to befriend myself. I embraced my “good enough” and began learning to quiet the noise of perfectionism, comparison, fear and shame so that I could show up fully to this imperfect and beautiful life of mine.
I learned to forgive myself for all my struggle and messiness, learned to approve of who and how I am, to witness my gifting, and I realized that I am far stronger, braver and more resilient than I ever understood before. Not all at once, but daily, as a practice.
Since then, I’ve put down strong, hardy roots of self-awareness and self-compassion and help my clients and community do this life-giving work too.
You do not have to live in judgment anymore – comparing yourself to others or trying to keep up or measure up. You do not have to live in shame simply because you’re human in a messy world. You can shake off the lie that you are bad, wrong, or broken.
You can befriend yourself and decide once and for all that you are enough.
We all have what IFS refers to as the “Self” – our core, our essence, our internal compass that possesses inherent wisdom and healing capacity.
Frank G Anderson MD
what does it mean to befriend yourself?
Apparently, Italian Renaissance sculptor, painter, architect, and poet, Michelangelo, once said “the sculpture is already complete within the marble block before I start my work. It is already there; I just have to chisel away the superfluous material.”
This is how I envision the process of befriending ourselves. It’s like peeling away old stories and conditioning, shaking off shame and judgment, uprooting what no longer deserves space in our bodies or lives to reveal the full, beautiful truth of who we are. Who we’ve always been but developed ways of feeling safe and loved in this messy world.
When you befriend yourself you get to know your true self underneath all the conditioning, comparison, heartache, and trying to keep up and measure up. It means you accept yourself exactly who and how you are even as you do the work to heal, restore, or grow into yourself.
It means that you learn to listen inward and respond bravely and compassionately to what you hear and learn to trust that you are wise and the expert on your own life.
And befriending yourself means that no matter what’s happening in or around you, you’re on your own side; You no longer mask, hide, bully or betray yourself.
Befriending ourselves is about brave and compassionate relationship – it’s always a work in progress. It gets richer and deeper over time, with conscious practice.
we experience rest as we befriend our true selves
Un-rest is often rooted in shame, judgment, comparison, masking/hiding parts of self for belonging, or perfectionism. The more we awaken to the truth that we are both strength and struggle and there’s zero shame in this, a beautiful human in progress, we release the pressures that keep us jumping through hoops and trying to earn our worth through performing or hustle.
You don’t have to earn your worth or prove your value – it simply is. Even when others don’t see or affirm this.
Learning to embrace our whole selves – all the lovely and comfortable bits and also the wounded parts of self or the hardest parts of our story – takes a lot of effort. It’s best done in brave community. But it can be done.
10 posts to help you befriend yourself + deepen your roots
REMEMBER: You’re not bad, wrong, or broken or a problem to be fixed. Befriend your True Self exactly who and how you are: a colourful human in a messy world. Practice self-compassion until it becomes your new instinct and learn to care for yourself like your own best friend.
HOW TO MEET AND BEFRIEND YOUR TRUE SELF (personality and true self are not the same thing)
Befriending True Self is available to us all. No gatekeeper or shortcut can confer the deep wisdom received through years of healing and stripping away, saying yes to personal growth work, and lived experience that makes possible a meeting and befriending true self. Read the full post.
10 Ideas To Deepen Self-Awareness
Learning to befriend yourself requires that you learn to love and value yourself. Self-awareness helps us show up to work, relationships, to all of life — with integrity and confidence. These 10 ideas will help you get to know yourself better and deepen your roots of self-awareness and self-compassion. Read the full post here.
MY EXPERIENCE AS AN HSP: 5 WEIRD + WONDERFUL THINGS ABOUT ME
We’re not meant to BE the same, to look, sound, or feel the same. Healthy community comes from diverse humans showing up in their unique wiring, each of us offering our gifts and perspective, to form a beautiful whole. Sharing our stories helps us know we’re not alone. I’m sharing the following bits of my experience in case it feels helpful to other sensitive souls. . Read the full post.
Are YOU A Highly Sensitive Person? WHY THIS WILL CHANGE YOUR LIFE FOR THE BETTER
I was not bad, wrong, or broken– I was a highly sensitive soul working incredibly hard to find my way, without help, in a world that isn’t great at honouring diversity. Read the full post here.
Self-Compassion Will Help you Become Your Own Best Friend
Practicing self-compassion lowers self-judgment and depressive symptoms, decreases stress, increases resilience and feelings of self-worth.. If I could offer you one gift it would be the gift of self-compassion. Read the full post here.
HOW TO PRACTICE FIERCE SELF-COMPASSION to get unstuck
People who practice self compassion are shown to be more motivated, less afraid to fail, have more self-confidence and a higher degree of self responsibility, are more resilient and better at coping in difficult situations. Read the full post here.
HOW TO STAY HEALTHY IN FALL AND WINTER: 10 SCIENCE-BASED SELF CARE TIPS
In this post I offer 10 science-based self-care tips that help me stay healthy through the dark and cold autumn and winter seasons. Read the full post here.
7 SELF-CARE PRACTICES FOR WHEN LIFE FEELS PAINFUL
Self-care is always important yet easily neglected. In painful seasons of life when it feels like we’re drowning it can feel incredibly hard to see our way forward. Read the full post.
10 LESSONS I WANT TO PASS DOWN TO MY DAUGHTERS
No.5 I like you. I don’t just love you because I’m your mama, but I see you, I witness your strength and struggle, I am so grateful to share life with and learn from you, and I LIKE you as a human. Read the full post.
Finally Deciding You’re Good Enough Can Quietly Change the World
Finally deciding I am good enough means instead of hiding I take personal responsibility and use my words and life to help build the world I want to live in. Read the full post here.
Those who have a strong sense of love and belonging have the courage to be imperfect.
– Brené Brown
NOW WHAT? resources to help you befriend yourself
Take the next step.
the brave boundaries workshop
Learn how to reclaim your voice and build brave and life-giving boundaries that honour your wiring and demonstrate that you trust your inner wisdom and are rooted in the truth of who you are and what you want and need in this season of life. Learn how to listen to the wisdom of your body so you can set brave boundaries.
the brave + beautiful membership community
The Brave and Beautiful Membership Community is one way that as brave, curious, and weary women+ in the messy middle of life we can gather together, forge healthy relationships, and practice choosing our response to life. You’ll receive quality evidence-based education, weekly coaching, and an invitation to quarterly workshops to nourish and strengthen you mind, emotion, and body. BB members also receive two free courses about the trait of high sensitivity and exploring the enneagram. Learn more about The Brave and Beautiful Community.