I Find CALM In The Space of In-Between

I find CALM in the space of in-between

Inside: I am no longer afraid of being imperfect or less-than and more afraid of missing my life because I am constantly wishing it away. When I embrace my mediocrity I find calm, here in the space of in-between.

I am mediocre and choose to be at peace with that.

People have argued vehemently against this idea – they don’t agree, they don’t believe this to be true about me, they feel like it is a disparaging comment. But I get to define who I am and I am the expert on me.

Accepting the truth that I am ok, exactly, precisely, as I am, is healing. I am enough.

I was an honor student, traveled some, and along with my husband, I’ve built a beautiful, messy family. I’ve been courageous, and trustworthy, and somehow helped hand-craft a life I am profoundly grateful for.

But I’ve never been the best or remarkable at anything; I’m not actually a competitive person at all. I’ve lived with a vicious inner critic who constantly pointed out all my flaws and failings and all the ways I’ve fallen short. I have struggled deeply and wrestled hard; I’ve felt broken, and I have never felt that life was easy.

So I stopped trying to measure up or keep up with my own impossible standards and I found calm.

I find calm in the space of in-between.


And I really like it here.

I like that I no longer abuse my body or my soul, that I find joy in each ordinary day. I love that the day I finally decided I was good enough, imperfect but also beautiful, all the ugly shame I carried fell away. I like that every day I choose to show up imperfectly and love my family and make simple food and do the work that lights me up.

And it is ok that I am not the best at anything. That I am often simply bumbling along, making mistakes, enjoying the journey. Showing up.

I am so much healthier now that I care far less about what others think of me or about jumping through their hoops. I have learned to rest and see the fuller, more honest truth about who I am. And I like what I see.

Daily, I find calm here, in the space of in-between.

I like to learn and work and require a learning curve in my life to feel at my best. I think we are all knit together with gifts to offer the world. But I don’t want to hustle, I am not joining your race, I will not compete with you.

But I will show up consistently, slow and steady, compassionately stepping through perfectionism, comparison, and fear to simply offer my small gifts to the world.

I will be a quiet world changer.

I am no longer afraid of being imperfect or less-than and more afraid of missing my life because I am constantly wishing it away.


I will not carry shame, my worth is not found in what I own or in how I look, I am uninterested in pleasing you. I don’t have all the answers and sometimes ride on highs and lows, and I’ve learned to loosen my grip in order to live open to joyful possibility.

And it’s mostly calm here.

I wanted life to be all black and white but instead, I have found grace in the land of grey. In curiosity, and erring on the side of compassion, and believing in mystery. In loving evidence and science and also believing that we only see in part.

I am ok here.

Before, when I was perpetually striving to become a better version of myself (rather than my truer self), I never tasted joy. I was afraid to be happy because I knew that life couldn’t stay peaceful for long. But once I embraced my joyful mediocrity – once I decided that my simple, imperfect life is more than enough – I opened myself up to it all. To the joy and the sorrow, the hard days and all of the incredible gifts that await us each day if only we will open our eyes to see.

I understand that I am not a failure because I have struggled with anxiety and depression and not always understood how I fit into this world. Instead, what I see is incredible strength and stubbornness and deeply rooted compassion that calls me to love with my voice and share what I know, and encourage you to love yourself too. And let that be enough.

It is enough.

And I find restorative calm in the space of in-between.

Krista xo

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22 comments on “I Find CALM In The Space of In-Between

  1. I am loving this…”grace in the land of gray” . Pondering what my life looks like from this new perspective.

  2. I love this so much. I’ve never had a big dream or strived to do “amazing” things and for a long time I felt like I should. The fact is I love my life as is and I wouldn’t change it. I love the ordinary things and I’ve realised that’s okay. Of coarse I still want to better myself and move forward but it will be at my pace and I want to be present for it, not rush to some end goal. I’ve been really trying to just “sit in” my life and I’m loving it.

  3. I am very grateful to have found your blog…it’s refreshing to find someone writing about it being ok with being somewhere in the middle!
    I’ve always been average…not particularly great at anything but not terrible at anything either.
    But, I’ve consistently struggled with being satisfied and content, to feel happy with my life….wondering if ‘this is it’, wishing I knew what my ‘passion’ is and how to follow it.
    But every day I read more and learn more and my imperfect life is certainly a life in progress!
    Thank you for your words I regularly look forward to reading. You give me hope and make me practice gratitude a little bit more every day.x

  4. I love your words “Before, when I was perpetually striving to become a better version of myself (rather than my truer self), I never tasted joy! I love that you stay true to yourself and I love your blog! Never stop – your words are needed out here! Thank you! xo

  5. This is beautiful and life-affirming. When I turned 50 a few years ago, I felt overwhelmed with regrets about paths not taken (or “opportunities wasted” etc)…and now I am figuring out that the work of this decade, for me, is in learning to embrace and celebrate my life for what it is (and myself for who I am). Thank you for helping me build this path.

  6. I have rarely seen parts of myself reflected so fully in a stranger as they are when I read your writing. I hold impossibly high expectations of myself and although I am not competitive I know I have flogged myself with my perceived failures and not enough ness. There is a drm and bass track that I used to listen to years ago called The Space in between, I used to think I would have those words tattooed on me because they so represented where I felt I was in life, not quite on the same plane as anyone else. I love your definition of the space in between, and I look forward to embracing all the shades of gray that I might move through in my life.

  7. Oh my goodness, so grateful to have stumbled upon this, thankyou. Every word resonates with me – “perpetually striving to become a better version of myself (rather than my truer self)……” has just perfectly captured something for me. Thankyou Krista. Looking forward to sharing the onward journey with you x

  8. Thank you so much for what you have written about… you have helped me to identify what it is I have been searching to answer for many years now, and that I am enough.

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