I was in a bad car accident yesterday and by all accounts should not have walked away spirit and body bruised but whole and very much alive.
It’s hard to type. Both wrists and arms hurt when I use them. But I process in writing so I think this is the kindest thing I can do for myself this morning.
One person’s choice almost left my children parentless in the span of one heartbeat. Just one. That’s all it takes.
But here I am. Very much awake.
I feel anger, gratitude, fear, disbelief, pain of course, and maybe surrender. Don’t quote me on the surrender just yet.
The thought does not escape me that I “preach” the idea that life is imperfect AND beautiful and that greater calm comes when we embrace the imperfection and messiness of life and I keep getting invitation after invitation to practice. As though there’s more I need to learn.
This is not how I had planned fall to go. But then, last fall surprised me too, so did the new year. The truth is, I keep making plans like I’m in charge yet I’m not sure I’ve had more than two days in a row that ran like clockwork.
This year has invited me to go deep into practicing the idea of holding space. Holding space for others and holding space for self. That’s what I wanted to write about this week – holding space for self.
And instead of writing about holding space for self, the best thing I can do this week is to simply practice it.
What does it mean to hold space for someone else? It means that we are willing to walk alongside another person in whatever journey they’re on without judging them, making them feel inadequate, trying to fix them, or trying to impact the outcome. When we hold space for other people, we open our hearts, offer unconditional support, and let go of judgement and control. –Heather Plett
Holding space for me to feel what I need to feel. To walk slowly in the woods if I feel up to it, to rest and heal and be patient with everything and everyone. To breathe and focus on one small step at a time as I deal with RCMP and insurance and medical stuff. To allow myself to notice (and not judge) my resentment and frustration that yet again my work goals will be impacted.
Space to just be here. Exactly who and how I am.
And to find my way forward, gently.
P.S. I won’t be able to respond to comments this week.