Why You Need To Honour Your Wiring And Capacity

Inside: Learning to honour your wiring and capacity helps quiet all the internal and external noise so that you thrive and experience health and joy in every season. It also supports healthier families and communities. You’ll learn 14 ways to get started.

Western culture promotes a linear, constantly productive, ‘more and faster is better’ way of being. it makes us live like we’re in a race: if you win, I lose. If you’re accomplishing good things then I must be behind.

This way of being not only leads to burnout, illness, increased risk of suicidality, emotional and spiritual dissatisfaction, and constant self-judgment. But it blames the individual for not measuring up and keeping up.

As such, it leaves many of us feeling never good enough or fundamentally bad, wrong, or broken if we’re unable to sustain this unrealistic and unhealthy standard.

diversity and flexibility are important for Personal And Communal resilience

We are interconnected – my freedom is dependent upon yours, we need each other, and the health of the environment directly impacts the health of the person. Nature (and science) make it clear that diversity is not only beautiful but a requirement for health and life.

Honour your wiring

We are not meant to be the same. We come into the world with unique wiring and our wiring is tied to our gifting and different ways of seeing the world. Differences and different perspectives help us grow, learn, and become healthier and wiser people. Our wiring is how we are knit together and come into the world.

Our wiring includes qualities or characteristics that are not circumstantial or which will likely be part of how we move through the world, and what we need for wholeness, long-term. This could include being an introvert, autistic, or a highly sensitive human, for example.

It also includes that some people are naturally slow-movers, others thrive on challenge and many projects on the go. Some people are introspective, drawn to nature or art, or gifted to heal and teach. Others lead organizations or countries, advocate for justice, or pursue technological advancement. All of this is beautiful and needed in a healthy community and world. Though, western culture generally values those whose paths lead to money and power.

Honour your capacity

In addition, our capacity (nervous system capacity, current emotional, energetic, and mental capacity) shifts as we move through different seasons of life and different life experiences. Our capacity is not static and requires of all of us to be adaptable. Adaptability is a key predictor of resilience. The more we hold tightly to what was and refuse to flex or live open to new possibility, the more we struggle with depression, anxiety, insomnia, and substance use. (source).

Both a healthy nervous system and a healthy boundary is generally flexible (not to be confused with a ‘leaky boundary’). And flexible thinking is a hallmark of emotional regulation and a growth mindset.

But our world does not have a pause button when we are grieving or healing or in a season of needing rest and recalibration. So if we are in a season of raising young kids, living with a chronic health condition, as we age, while transitioning through menopause, or caring for our aging parents… we often feel shame and guilt or feel judged because our ability or even our desire to perform and jump through hoops has changed.

Immersed in a culture that fails to honour differences and our full humanity, our health suffers. Health of the individual and health of our communities. Many feel constant survival threat (grieving or not, bills must be paid). People feel pitted against one another or isolated. And because we are taught that our value lies in producing, many of us fear growing older or fear diminished capacity of any kind.

listen to the related rebranding middle age podcast episodes

A seasonal living practice helps Quiet the Internal and External Noise

Tuning into the season we’re in – the natural and emotional seasons of life – the outer and inner seasons – helps us live gentler, calmer, joyful lives. Quieter lives in many respects. We become more attuned to and less fearful or resentful of the ebb and flow of life. Also, we put down deeper, healthy roots of self-awareness and self-compassion that allow us to tilt and flex and not break when the storms come.

A Seasonal Living Practice teaches us to befriend our True Selves and honour our wiring and capacity while lifting up others so we all walk in freedom, health and joy. It also teaches us to hold the tension and complexity of people and life and embrace paradox. Both/and. Joy and pain can coexist in our life and body if we allow it. People are messy and complex. We are not just one thing.

Seasonal Living is by default, conscious, intentional living, mindful, sustainable. It may or may not include a slower and simpler way of life, but often does. Or at least it always includes time of rest and restoration. And because of this, seasonal living supports us in living mind-emotion-body-spirit healthy, more regulated, integrated and whole. And this helps us build healthier families and communities.

It teaches us that the natural world, biology, and human experience are patterned around cycles and seasons and change is constant. As one revolution comes to an end we begin again. Seasons of upheaval and dismantling may usher in a better future. Spring always comes again.

We can mine for the wisdom and beauty in each new season

Instead of bypassing or resisting reality, we name the truth of what is and face it head on. We come to recognize that there is wisdom and beauty woven into each new season. The wisdom of one cycle or season prepares us for the next if we’re open to listening and learning.

There is a time for turning inward and engaging outward, for building and creating and for receiving and resting, for planting, watering, and harvest. For death and (re)birth. ‘Death is the middle of a long life,’ the Celtic proverb tells us.

We do not have to deny the pain and grief that can accompany death (of whatever kind), but we can also recognize its centrality to life. A seed must die to bring forth new life. Life keeps changing. If we loosen our grip on needing everything to be one particular way, we can more easily flex, adapt, and thrive forward.

14 ideas to help you Practice honouring your wiring and capacity

Give yourself permission to push back against cultural conditioning and societal norms. Learn to work with instead of against your wiring and honour your capacity in every season.

1. Practice moving at the pace of your nervous system. Essentially this means choosing a sustainable way of being in your body and life that keeps you steady and healthy. When you don’t move at the pace of your nervous system you might fall ill, shut down, or live in a chronic state of high alert. The Feel More Empowered Workshop will help you learn a bit about your nervous system. And you’ll become more aware of what happens in your body when in different nervous system states.
2. Naming and owning our strengths and gifts is an important way of honouring our wiring. We all have gifts and strengths. Some are more innate or natural to us (I call these gifts). Others are developed through interest, education/training, and conscious development or skill-building (I call these strengths). Comparison might make us think that our gifts are less valuable than other people’s gifts. Or because something comes easily to us we may not recognize it as a strength. Brainstorm a list of at least 10 of your gifts/strengths. Notice what people comment on. Ask safe people for feedback if helpful.
3. Just as we all have gifts, we all have limitations in our body or life. Practice naming your limitations shame and judgment-free. Some limitations may be temporary. They may relate to a current situation or season you are in (ex. you have a nursing babe). Some may be self-imposed (ex. a cap you put on how much money you’re “allowed” to earn or a belief that you don’t deserve love). You can rewrite these as you grow into your True Self. Still other limitations may be part of a chronic illness or part of your innate wiring. (Ex. chronic pain or ADHD that makes aspects of life harder). The world often tells us that it’s wrong to advocate for our limitations, but I think it’s humane. You can honour the truth of what is (vs fighting reality). And stay open to growth and healing where relevant.
4. As you get to know, like, and trust your True Self, it’s easier to listen inward and respond with compassion to what you hear. Intentionally build a friendship with yourself. Spend time with yourself in quiet or solitude so that you learn to recognize your inner voice. Learn about your likes and dislikes, your opinion on different matters, your energy flow throughout the week and year. Let yourself continue evolving. What served you or what you enjoyed a decade ago may not be what you want or need in this season of life.
5. We have many parts. We are complex beings. Befriending your whole self – all your parts (ex. the brave and confident parts as well as the fearful and wounded parts) will help you walk in freedom, wholeness, and joy. This is essential in order to be on your own side and live undivided. If you’re fighting yourself or at war with a part of you, there will be spillover into other areas of life. This may require therapy, grief, work, a whole lot of self-awareness and self-compassion, It will also involve learning how to feel and process your emotions. Take it slow and steady.  Internal Family Systems is a fabulous way to explore this. But you can also make a “no-bullying policy” for yourself. (As in, if you catch yourself being mean to yourself, stop and redirect your thoughts and behaviour toward kindness).
6. No matter how you’re wired, it’s wise to reserve some of your resources (time, money, and attention): a financial cushion, more spaciousness in your week, pausing before saying yes to one more commitment, etc. This will create more ease and less stress in your body and life. If something does not go according to plan or the storms come, you’ll be more agile and have more agency.
7. Healthy clear boundaries are essential for everyone if you want to honour your wiring and capacity. They help you walk out your values and respect your true priorities in each season. And part of honouring our wiring and capacity is also served by recognizing and repairing our people-pleasing, fixing, chasing people for love, and codependent patterns. We must learn to identify where we have leaky or non-existent boundaries. Then get clear on what kind of boundary is needed. And finally, communicate the boundary clearly to yourself or others.
8. Like the rest of us, you probably have some internalized ‘shoulds’ that are cluttering your mind, heart, and life. These beliefs and expectations are often deeply rooted and stem from cultural, religious, family of origin conditioning. In some cases (internalized racism and homophobia) they are dangerous. Other times they are not as serious but still impact us negatively (ex. believing you ‘should’ always prioritize other people’s needs or feelings or to be a good person you ‘should’ stay in touch with a person who drains you). You can quiet this noise. Do the work to heal, rewrite, or release the ‘shoulds.’ This can be as simple as checking in when making a decision. Ask yourself “am I doing this because I truly want to or out of obligation?”
9. Not everything or everyone needs a response. When life gets noisy, people often become reactionary. But even in quieter times, not every text, social media message, email, or invitation requires a response. In addition, you don’t have to let yourself be pulled into other people’s drama.
10. Not everyone gets access to you. Not everyone gets space in your inner circle, up close and personal. Your wiring and capacity dictate how many close relationships you can enjoy and what energy you have to give to others. It also influences the types of engagement that drain or fill you up. Work with the truth of who you are. You’ll feel so much more easy and joy when you get clear on who merits your energy and attention.
11. While listening to diverse voices can be wise in general, not every voice is healthy or wise to listen to. There are times when you need to unfollow, unsubscribe, mute, or create more distance from a message, mindset, or view point. In some cases this is because you vehemently disagree, other times you’ve outgrown something, and there are times you may respect someone and their work but it isn’t supporting your life vision. Whose voices need quieting in your life?
12. Listen to the wisdom of your body and be willing to adapt. What forms of movement, how much rest, and what foods serve you in this season? We often override our body’s signals or judge ourselves for needing rest. We may develop allergies or sensitives at any point in life. Learning to trust what your body needs is a huge part of honouring your wiring and capacity in every season. Keep your eyes on your own path.
13. Not everyone will approve of you or cheer you onward. Ultimately you need to become your own best friend and cheerleader. You get to approve of yourself and love yourself exactly who and how you are. Every evening, name what you are proud of. I also recommend adding this to your weekly review (name at least 3 things you did well that week). Acknowledge your bravery, wisdom, and strength – even on the hardest day.
14. Finally, clutter comes in many forms (digital, clothing, other stuff, family memorabilia…). It increases stress and distracts us from our true priorities. Sometimes our attachment to stuff keeps us stuck in the past. Other times we buy and keep items to present a version of ourselves to the world (ex. we might buy books that we never read). If this rings true, let this be an invitation to quiet the noise in your life. Be your True Self. Pare back. Let go of anything that does not reflect your True Self or support your freedom. Lighten your load by decluttering and only keeping things that truly feel like the real you or have a practical use in your life.

being human is messy – discomfort or imperfection doesn’t mean you’re doing life wrong

Most of the women I meet have plenty of agency or power of choice in building lives or lifestyles that honour our wiring and capacity, even though the world is not set up to prioritize our wellness. And even though this means pushing back against the status quo. Even tiny changes add up .

When we focus on imperfect action (doing what we CAN do) toward honouring our wiring and capacity, we are more likely to feel safe, at home, and joyful in our body and life. More able to show up fully to life in every season and to receive the gift of each new day. And as a result, we are more likely to spill kindness and beauty into the world and bring our gifts to the world.

Which is not to say that any of this is easy. A joyful, brave and beautiful, meaningful life isn’t easy. And if easy is our aim, we will likely end up in suffering and despair. But we can aim for simple. Simple, values-aligned, soul-honouring.

Discomfort is part of a brave + beautiful life

And discomfort or imperfection or messiness does not mean bad or wrong. When we stretch and grow, we feel discomfort. When we use our voice to stand up for what we believe in or set boundaries, this is not necessarily easy. It’s often uncomfortable. As well, when we do work we feel passionate about or live in relationship with other humans, we feel discomfort, stress, or anxiety at times. Yet these too are beautiful parts of a life well-lived.

Life is messy, being human is messy. But when we learn to honour our wiring and capacity, it all feels simpler.

Krista xo

P.S. Did my list of 13 ideas feel helpful? How will YOU practice honouring your wiring and capacity in this season? I’d love to connect in the comments.