What Surrender Sounds & Feels Like 9 Months after Child Loss

What Surrender Sounds & Feels Like 9 Months after Child Loss

Inside: Child loss is excruciating. Letting go feels like creating a safe and special corner of my mind and heart in which to gather and house my memories and love for my son so that I have some room left for hope and joyful possibility. TW: Suicide, grief, child loss The agony was intense but I knew that something important was happening inside of me. Several times I wondered if I was losing my mind but even in my pain and wrestling it didn’t matter if I was having a […]

The Best Way to Ditch Self-Doubt and Walk in Confidence

The Best Way to Ditch Self-Doubt and Walk in Confidence

Inside: Practicing self-compassion will lower self-judgment and depressive symptoms, decrease stress, increase resilience and feelings of self-worth. The best way to ditch self-doubt and walk in confidence is to practice self-compassion. Self-compassion is fundamental to living with purpose, health, and joy, and for sustainable and meaningful growth. Self-compassion is also a key tool in learning to quiet the noise of comparison, perfectionism, and fear. Let me tell you how. According to Kristin Neff, associate professor in the University of Texas at Austin’s department of educational psychology and Creator of the […]

Walking Each Other Home: 19 Gifts of this Year as I Walked My Son Home

Walking Each Other Home: 19 Gifts of this Year as I Walked My Son Home

Walking each other home is a privilege. Here are 19 gifts I’ve picked up as I walked alongside my son through the final year of his life. TW: suicide, depression, grief On a cold wintry night, just over a year ago, my son and I sobbed and argued together as he finally admitted the truth about his plan to die. As his mama, I already knew. I knew him better than any other human on this planet. I feel like I knew him in ways he did not know himself […]

Holding Your Breath: When Your Child Dies

Holding Your Breath: When Your Child Dies

TW: suicide, depression, grief I’ve started an art scholarship in my son Jairus’ name: there are three ways you can contribute to the scholarship. xo I’m choosing to process some of my grief out loud. First, it is helping me when I feel like I’ll explode with rage or pain. Second, maybe it’ll help another parent feel less alone. This is a very personal journey. Please click away if reading about someone else’s loss – and particulary the topic of suicide – will be triggering for you right now. ******** When […]

My Beautiful Son Has Ended His Life

My Beautiful Son Has Ended His Life

Trigger Warning: Suicide, depression My beautiful son has ended his life after a long, ferocious battle with severe depression and persistent suicidal ideation. He wanted to live. Wanting to live and knowing how are two different things. And mental illness, just like cancer, is not something we choose. It is not shameful or a reflection of character. And it is not the fullness of who we are. Jairus was a deep thinker and challenged me to consider and see differently. He was playful, loved to tease, and loved when I’d play […]

When You Don’t Know What To Do Just Do The Next Right Thing

When You Don’t Know What To Do Just Do The Next Right Thing

Inside: Sometimes life is so messy, so painful, or so scary and we don’t see our way forward. When you don’t know what to do, take one small step and just do the next right thing. When you’re hurting or in a dark and scary space, just do the next right thing. When you aren’t sure how you’ll recover or come up for air again, and you can’t see your way forward, just do the next right thing in front of you. Breathe. Hug your partner. Laugh with your child. […]

Maybe You Are Brave

Maybe You Are Brave

Inside: Choosing life when you don’t know how you’ll live and you feel alone and unheard. Choosing to love and who you are. Choosing not to quit. This is brave. Maybe you are brave. Brave. I never identified with this word. I knew it definitely did not describe me. I was afraid. I was overwhelmed. I hated who and how I was. I wanted to end my stay here. I felt inadequate and ill equipped for surviving in this world. I was clearly not brave. But choosing life when you […]