Embrace Imperfection or Real Life Will Never Be Enough

Embrace Imperfection or Real Life Will Never Be Enough

Inside: Our real, messy lives will be “never enough” until we embrace imperfection and accept that we are not in control of it all. I opened up my inbox as I often do in the morning to sift through interesting articles and ideas, share some online, and save a seed or two of thought for a later date. This morning it struck me as funny – in a sort of unfriendly, depressing way – that my intentionally curated inbox, brimming with interesting stats, science, and personal opinion for how to […]

Walking Each Other Home: 19 Gifts of this Year as I Walked My Son Home

Walking Each Other Home: 19 Gifts of this Year as I Walked My Son Home

Walking each other home is a privilege. Here are 19 gifts I’ve picked up as I walked alongside my son through the final year of his life. TW: suicide, depression, grief On a cold wintry night, just over a year ago, my son and I sobbed and argued together as he finally admitted the truth about his plan to die. As his mama, I already knew. I knew him better than any other human on this planet. I feel like I knew him in ways he did not know himself […]

Holding Your Breath: When Your Child Dies

Holding Your Breath: When Your Child Dies

TW: suicide, depression, grief I’ve started an art scholarship in my son Jairus’ name: all proceeds from my Winter Mindfulness Journal go to the scholarship. xo I’m choosing to process some of my grief out loud. First, it is helping me when I feel like I’ll explode with rage or pain. Second, maybe it’ll help another parent feel less alone. This is a very personal journey. Please click away if reading about someone else’s loss – and particulary the topic of suicide – will be triggering for you right now. ******** […]

You Don’t Have to Be Fine

You Don’t Have to Be Fine

Inside: you are the expert on your life and walking through grief or trauma, or other hard seasons of life, is not a race. We do it in our own time, and our own way, and it’s OK to not be fine. It’s OK to not be fine. When someone asks the inevitable, rote, “how are you?” it’s OK to opt out. When it feels like friends or acquaintances think you should be better now, over your grief, through the storm and dry and steady on the other side, it’s […]

On Feeling Small

On Feeling Small

Inside: There is so much more to life and this universe than I can make sense of. And it isn’t all my responsibility. The ocean scares and calms me. Both. The ocean makes me feel small. All the heaviness and grief I carry around with me feels lighter when I sit, feet buried in the sand, sun warming my body and all the broken places of my life, watching the crashing waves. When I close my eyes and listen to the ebb and flow of the water. I feel small. I remember […]

Living Grateful for the Wisdom in Every Season

Living Grateful for the Wisdom in Every Season

Inside: Mindful living means choosing to live grateful for the gifts in every season. It means consciously and stubbornly mining for these gifts. This is a reflection about what mindful living taught me as I walked with grief through the seasons. It’s human to experience ebb and flow in life: seasons of transition and even uncertainty; tilting between self-confidence and self-doubt; shifting levels of energy or productivity; changes in what you need or want. Death and new life. Life is messy. And beautiful. Mindful living means choosing to live grateful […]

Change Comes Softly

Change Comes Softly

Change comes softly. We gathered in the hospital room, taking our turns at his side. Whispering goodbyes that were wholly insufficient. And then he was gone. But it had been a year and a half of prognosis and treatment, of driving back and forth never knowing if this time would be the last I got to sit with him, hoping and needing to somehow absorb every last bit of life wisdom he had to spare. Before he left. There was not enough time and more than we were initially given. […]

Hope Is The Thing With Feathers

Hope Is The Thing With Feathers

Inside: We think life is all or nothing. Straight up happiness or abject misery. The truth falls somewhere messy in between. Hope is the thing with feathers. The day was bright and clear. I sat in my little living room, chair pulled up close to the big picture window shaded by the Mountain Ash tree, heavy laden with orange berries. The sun flitted and sparkled as it pushed its way through the branches, spilling wavy patterns over my lap and onto the wooden floor. My mom sat across from me on […]