Holding Your Breath: When Your Child Dies

Holding Your Breath: When Your Child Dies

TW: suicide, depression, grief I’ve started an art scholarship in my son Jairus’ name: all proceeds from my Winter Mindfulness Journal go to the scholarship. xo I’m choosing to process some of my grief out loud. First, it is helping me when I feel like I’ll explode with rage or pain. Second, maybe it’ll help another parent feel less alone. This is a very personal journey. Please click away if reading about someone else’s loss – and particulary the topic of suicide – will be triggering for you right now. ******** […]

My Beautiful Son Has Ended His Life

My Beautiful Son Has Ended His Life

Trigger Warning: Suicide, depression My beautiful son has ended his life after a long, ferocious battle with severe depression and persistent suicidal ideation. He wanted to live. Wanting to live and knowing how are two different things. And mental illness, just like cancer, is not something we choose. It is not shameful or a reflection of character. And it is not the fullness of who we are. Jairus was a deep thinker and challenged me to consider and see differently. He was playful, loved to tease, and loved when I’d play […]

Maybe You Are Brave

Maybe You Are Brave

Inside: Choosing life when you don’t know how you’ll live and you feel alone and unheard. Choosing to love and who you are. Choosing not to quit. This is brave. Maybe you are brave. Brave. I never identified with this word. I knew it definitely did not describe me. I was afraid. I was overwhelmed. I hated who and how I was. I wanted to end my stay here. I felt inadequate and ill equipped for surviving in this world. I was clearly not brave. But choosing life when you […]