Welcome! I’m glad you dipped your toe in and decided to follow through with assessment. If you found it a bit overwhelming, I encourage you to take one tiny step forward and let that be enough. Faster and more isn’t better!
If you’re here, you might be a brand new beginner or you may have a full and beautiful life yet in the early stages of doing the type of work I offer. Keep reading for ways to continue the journey.
tentative and curious
You may see yourself in some or all of the following descriptions. At this stage of the journey, what I most want you to keep in mind is to be kind to yourself. Try to stay out of shame, guilt, and judgment. We’re all simply doing our best to navigate this messy world. We’re all in progress.
If you feel activated or triggered while reading, walk away and tend to yourself. Come back when you feel ready. It’s normal (and human!) to have mixed emotions when coming face to face with the truth of where we are or how we’ve been navigating life. We don’t always like what we see in the moment. But here’s an important – and hopefully life-giving truth – in order to move forward we must first acknowledge where we are.
Whether or not it always feels true, you are loved, needed, and you have gifts to bring to the world. You matter and are worthy of a full, beautiful, even joyful life exactly who and how you are in this moment. Perfection not required. I recommend choosing ONE idea from this page to take action on – treat it as an experiment – and simply notice what comes up for you.
You’re in Crisis, at Low levels of health, or in need of 1:1 Support
You feel stuck, alone, unseen, unheard, and unhappy lots of the time. Or maybe you live with a constant undercurrent of anxiety yet aren’t sure why or you’re struggling hard with your mental health. Your mood is easily impacted by external circumstances/others. You feel busy, harried, overwhelmed, stressed, unhealthy. You’ve spent lots of energy trying to squish yourself into an ill-fitting box for belonging, conforming, performing and experience low self worth, poor body image, mean self-talk. Shame, self-judgment, and a vicious inner critic play a big role in your life.
The truth is, you never feel good enough. You defer happiness – “one day” you’ll allow yourself to feel happy. Stories loop in your brain: you ruminate about the past, worry about the future, rehash old conversations or let your brain spin with negative thoughts. Rules, rigidity, jumping through hoops, addictive patterns, bullying yourself for being imperfect are common themes in your life.
You may be in need of healing from trauma, addiction, or in crisis and need professional medical or therapeutic support above all to help you love yourself through this hard season of life. You may not feel worthy of support. You may need 1:1 care before you’re resourced and feel safe enough to join a community.
You’re curious, desire a more hopeful possibility, but feel easily discouraged
You’re afraid and hoping for change, you may have done years of therapy, and still wonder if real change is possible, if life can be better, if you’ll ever learn to love yourself. You don’t know who you are or you’re in a big life transition and need help finding yourself or “coming home to yourself” again. You notice a sense of burgeoning courage though still have lower self-confidence. You need new, healthy role models beyond your familiar community. You’re learning to pick yourself up when you fall.
You’re opening up tentatively to new paradigm/possibilities and to trying new ideas on for size.. Anxious, less than, comparison, perfectionism, fear, and a mean inner critic are loud in your life. You feel guilt around resting and feel perpetually behind. You feel jealousy or envy and anger and then feel bad about this. You get distracted easily. When life is hard you may decide it’s your fault.
You look back often and tend toward anxiety and rumination or projecting far ahead rather than living fully present. You most often live on autopilot. You’re looking for freedom but keep picking up another set of chains. You need space to rest, repair, and to be equipped for what lies ahead. You benefit from consistent encouragement and reminders that you’re not alone.
TAKE ONE SMALL STEP
Growth or becoming our most honest and healthy selves is more circular than linear and there is no one-size-fits-all, clear cut road map to wholeness, purpose, and joy for every human. Each new season of life invites us to journey deeper, to stay open to joyful possibility and learn to sit with discomfort and uncertainty, to build upon the scaffolding of yesterday, to make new connections and increase in wisdom and understanding.
And yet, pausing to check-in and notice our growth or how far we’ve come instills a sense of pride, it offers evidence that we are capable of doing hard things, and of the power of one intentional step or breath or conscious choice after another. It deepens our commitment to the work when life feels hard and we want to quit.
At this stage of the journey I recommend focusing on:
- Connecting with compassionate, growth-minded community and otherwise building your support system.
- Learning to practice curiosity instead of judgment.
- Gleaning hope and encouragement and taking one small step and then another.
TWO FREE RESOURCES TO EXPLORE if YOU’RE feeling “tentative and curious”
When you signed up to take the assessment you also received a welcome email that included a link and password to the Resource Library. I recommend you head there and take a look at the following free resources:
1. The Self-Care Checklist: Don’t worry about trying to check everything off this list on a daily basis (even self-care can become weaponized). Use it to consider 1, 2, or 3 practices that you would like to become more intentional about to care for yourself well mind-emotion-body.
2. . Cognitive Distortions with Examples: Mindset matters to quality of life and life satisfaction. (Healthy mindset around aging, for instance, adds 7.5 years to our life – more than quitting smoking!). Many of us wrestle with all or nothing thinking and we need to learn to examine our thoughts and build new neural pathways if we want to show up fully to life in every season. Read through the handout and identify which 1, 2, or 3 feel most familiar to you. Look for concrete examples in your life and then start rewriting these stories.