Inside: What if all I really want is a small, slow, simple life. A mediocre life. A beautiful, quiet, gentle life. I think it is enough.
What if all I want is a small, slow, simple life? What if I am most happy in the space of in-between. Where calm lives. What if I am mediocre and choose to be at peace with that?
The world is such a noisy place. Loud, haranguing voices lecturing me to hustle, to improve, build, strive, yearn, acquire, compete, and grasp for more. For bigger and better. Sacrifice sleep for productivity. Strive for excellence. Go big or go home. Have a huge impact in the world. Make your life count.
But what if I just don’t have it in me. What if all the striving for excellence leaves me sad, worn out, depleted. Drained of joy. Am I simply not enough?
What if I never really amount to anything when I grow up – beyond mom and sister and wife. But these people in my primary circle of impact know they are loved and that I would choose them again, given the choice.
Can this be enough?
What might happen if I decide that I am enough and that this imperfect and beautiful, ‘mediocre life’ of mine is good enough?
What if I never build an orphanage in Africa but send bags of groceries to people here and there and support a couple of kids through sponsorship. What if I just offer the small gifts I have to the world and let that be enough.
What if I don’t want to write a cookbook or build a six-figure business or speak before thousands. But I write because I have something to say and I invest in a small community of women I care about and encourage them to love and care for themselves well. Because bigger isn’t always better and the individual matters. She is enough.
What if I just accept this mediocre body of mine that is neither big nor small. Just in between. And I embrace that I have no desire to work for rock hard abs or 18% body fat. And I make peace with it and decide that when I lie on my deathbed I will never regret having just been me. Take me or leave me.
What if I am a mediocre home manager who rarely dusts and mostly maintains order and makes real food but sometimes buys pizza and who is horrified at moments by the utter mess in some areas of her home. Who loves to menu plan and budget but then breaks her own rules and pushes back against rigidity. Who doesn’t care about decorating and fancy things. Whose home is humble but safe.
What if I am not cut out for the frantic pace of this society and cannot even begin to keep up. And see so many others with what appears to be boundless energy and stamina but know that I need tons of solitude and calm, an abundance of rest, and swaths of unscheduled time in order to be healthy. Body, Mind, Spirit healthy. Am I enough?
What if I am too religious for some and not spiritual enough for others. Non-evangelistic. Not bold enough. Yet willing to share in quiet ways, in genuine relationship, my deeply rooted faith. And my doubts and insecurities. This will have to be enough.
The Brave + Beautiful Community is for brave + curious women in the middle season of life committed to living with more freedom, health, and joy. We gather from different corners of the world to learn and practice a kinder way of being in our body and life.
And if I have been married 21 years and love my husband more today than yesterday but have never had a fairy tale romance and break the “experts” marriage rules about doing a ton of activities together and having a bunch in common. And we don’t. And we like time apart and time together. Is our marriage good enough?
What if I am a mom who delights in her kids but needs time for herself and sometimes just wants to be first and doesn’t like to play but who hugs and affirms and supports her kids in their passions. A mediocre mom who can never live up to her own expectations of good enough, let alone yours.
What if I embrace my limitations and stop railing against them. Make peace with who I am and what I need and honour your right to do the same. Accept that all I really want is a small, slow, simple life. A mediocre life. A beautiful, quiet, gentle life. I think it is enough.
Krista
Originally published here January 17, 2016
Tell The Truth: Your Life May Depend Upon It
I’m not sure if you’ll ever read this since it’s been so long since the original post but I just finally had to comment. I have read and reread this post so many times over the last several years. Thank you for writing it! I have battled perfectionism nearly my whole life and never feeling that I’m good enough. But this post is exactly what I need to bring me back to reality and a place of peace with myself. No one is telling me that I’m not good enough besides myself! I just wanted you to know that it’s been a blessing each time I’ve read it. Thanks again!
Hi Anna, thank you for sharing this with me. (I read every comment.) That’s the way it is for many of us… we raise the bar on ourselves, often without realizing we’ve done it yet again, or hold ourselves against a particular standard and feel like we are never quite enough. This is something I need to be aware of all the time, and especially when I feel weary or vulnerable.
I also have this bookmarked since you wrote it and come back to every so often because they are such good reminders. Thank you!!
Thank you for this article Mam. I am an Engineer and I am put down on a daily basis either by friends, family or social media that my progress is not good enough. There is always someone who has a better degree or a better salary or is smarter. I’m also constantly being fed my movies and other forms of information that life is all about hardwork and achieving greatness and that it is never ok to accept being (as they call it) “average”. In my mind, I’m not average, I have worked hard in my life to come to this stage and I’m really proud of it.
I’m almost in tears after reading your article and the comments of support. I will read this article again and again, whenever I’m down. Thank you.
You literally wrote from my heart! Loved this blog and will be following you now.
This all sounds really great and peaceful and accepting when a woman writes this. She just wants to be average and have a “mediocre” life, and average men are pretty accepting of average women.
Let a guy write this exact same thing and see how much understanding HE gets. The average man is not attractive to the average woman. The average woman wants the top 20% of men. Any guy who writes this has just flushed away his chances in the dating pool!
One of the sanest, most uplifting messages I’ve read in a very long time, Krista. It encompasses transcendental wisdom, connection with one’s inner self, and the essence of compassion. It clearly resonates with many people, too. Thank you for sharing these words, and I wish you and your loved ones a lifetime of all the goodness you need and want..
This is everything I feel and all I needed to read today!
Thank you for this post. I left my career for my kids. I like my mediocre life but the society says otherwise. I shall enjoy this life and give myself grace.
Beautifully written.
One of the most beautiful things I see in my work and life is a woman who gives herself permission to choose the path she wants in each new season and to love and trust herself.