Inside: you are the expert on your life and walking through grief or trauma, or other hard seasons of life, is not a race. We do it in our own time, and our own way, and it’s OK to not be fine.
It’s OK to not be fine.
When someone asks the inevitable, rote, “how are you?” it’s OK to opt out.
When it feels like friends or acquaintances think you should be better now, over your grief, through the storm and dry and steady on the other side, it’s OK to remind yourself that there is no timeline for walking through grief or trauma.
If you have days in which you feel normal and capable and burst into tears at awkward moments, if one day you feel hopeful and strong and the next you want to stay in bed and sob. You’re OK.
And it’s OK to not be fine.
When you’ve worked really hard to be healthy – mind, body, spirit healthy – and people make you feel wrong or broken because you’ve never completely overcome or resolved your struggle, you’ve learned to “manage” vs 100% “heal”, it’s OK to remember that you are the expert on your life. And sometimes we speak from good intentions without realizing the arrogance in our stance.
In seasons of life that feel mostly lovely and all is well but you have a down day, you feel angry, sad, afraid… you can remember that telling the truth and being real is healthy; life is complex and messy. And relentless positivity can be one more way of hiding and numbing. You don’t have to always be fine.
But when you experience something joyful and good things come your way, it’s also OK to laugh and rejoice and share the news with people. Your success or delight does not diminish that of others and if we’re to really live we must also make room for joy.
And even when life is painful or challenging you’re allowed to say yes to those bright happy moments of laughter and pleasure that flit your way. It’s OK to open up wide and feel and taste and rest in the beautiful moments even though there is also suffering and heartache in your life or world.
Life doesn’t have to be perfect to be beautiful and worth living and one day you’ll feel good again even if right now you don’t feel fine.
But it’s also OK to not be fine today.