A full, beautiful, meaningful life is a messy one. This isn’t a mark of character or doing life poorly. It’s simply part of being human in a messy world.
For much of my life, I looked ahead to the future, planning in detail, dreaming of the day I’d have life all figured out, I’d feel good in my skin and assured of my place in the world, and all my needs would be met abundantly.
I also spent a lot of time worrying about the next hard phone call, the next scary or hard thing that laid in wait around the bend. I didn’t feel strong or brave or particularly well-equipped for life in this noisy, unpredictable, hurting world.
In both cases, I deferred happiness or the joy of today, needing, wanting, judging, waiting for my ideal picture of a good life to materialize. This was reinforced by romantic comedies that made me question the strength of my own marriage, books or programs centring on weight loss, home decorating shows or magazines that left me wanting more or better or even homeschooling books that portrayed an image of what a strong family “should” look like.
REAL LIFE IS MESSY. TO BE HUMAN IS MESSY.
Fortunately, I realized that real life is messy. To be human is messy. To love is messy. I woke up to the truth that I was going to miss out on my whole life unhappy, feeling less than, trying to measure up and keep up, or wishing my simple life away by wanting to skip over the hard bits, if I didn’t make a significant change, and quickly. I got rid of TV, stopped reading home decorating or lifestyle magazines, and established better boundaries all around so that I could be present to my one real life.
Amazingly, in learning to tune out the noise, tune in to my actual life, and in challenging the idea that life is supposed to resemble some fairy tale myth of pure bliss, I realized I was already living inside my dream.
Life was nowhere close to perfect but I started to understand that I didn’t require perfect. I didn’t need to BE perfect.
There is no perfect, of course. We all know this logically. But there is plenty that is beautifully imperfect and worthwhile.
I made the life-changing decision to stop waiting for someday or for perfect and to dive headlong into the very imperfect but wonderful life in front of me. And it was good. Stretching but good.
I found freedom in making peace with paradox and opening up to joy and beauty in the midst of the messiness of life.
I’m done waiting for perfect. I want to live grateful, joyful, and excited about life today. Not because it feels easy or always comfortable, but simply because this ordinary day is an incredible gift and I don’t want to miss it.
Krista O’Reilly-Davi-Digui
10 POSTS to help you make peace with paradox + open to joy and beauty
REMEMBER: Life “shouldn’t” feel neat and tidy; railing against the reality of life keeps us in suffering. Learning to make peace with paradox and practice the truth of both/and is freeing and empowering: Joy and beauty coexist with pain and sorrow in a brave and beautiful life.
DO HARD THINGS IF YOU WANT TO LIVE A PURPOSEFUL LIFE
Unless we want to spend life in hiding, mired in fear, or numbed out – we need to learn to show up afraid and move toward discomfort and practice doing things that feel hard.. Read the full post here.
JUST CHOOSE ALL OR SOMETHING
So much of our pain is rooted in the desire for perfection or having it all figured out. We accept a binary, all or nothing mindset because we’ve bought into the lie that to be or do less than “perfect” is unacceptable. Read the full post here.
the beautiful gift of changing your thinking
When we learn to turn toward and examine our stories, to pause between impulse and response, to notice our habitual patterns, witness our emotions, bodily sensations, and our thoughts… and then to CHOOSE our response, when ready, we show up to life and relationships from an empowered state. We remember our agency. And I believe that it’s from this internally resourced, wise and embodied state, that we can each have the greatest positive impact on the world. Read the full post here.
PAY ATTENTION TO THE BEAUTY THAT SURROUNDS YOU
Practicing the art of noticing beauty around you, making space for the presence of wonder, is an antidote to the things that steal your hope, your peace, and your joy. Read the full post.
HOPE IS THE THING WITH FEATHERS
But we think life is all or nothing. Darkness and light. Straight up happiness or abject misery. And the truth falls somewhere messy in-between. Joy and pain. Beauty and suffering. Read the full post.
I Decided to Fully Live Each Messy and Beautiful Day
Deciding to live isn’t just about no more suicide attempts. It’s not just about getting free of addictive or numbing behavior. Deciding to live is also about showing up each day awake and aware, willing to taste what comes your way: the joy, the anxiety, the exasperation, the delight; the wins, the struggle, the sunshine, and long nights. Read the full post here.
Life is Messy: Stop Looking for Perfect and Embrace What Is
It all goes by so fast. And if we spend it waiting for someday to be happy, we will miss the incredible gift we have been handed. Read the full post here.
EMBRACE IMPERFECTION OR REAL LIFE WILL NEVER BE ENOUGH
These real lives of ours are messy. They refuse to run perfectly according to agenda, spreadsheet, and timetable. There is so much that is uncomfortable and unpredictable about them and we must make peace with messiness. Read the full post.
I FIND CALM IN THE SPACE OF IN-BETWEEN
I wanted life to be black and white but instead, I have found grace in the land of grey. In curiosity, and erring on the side of compassion, and believing in mystery. Read the full post here.
THIS IS REAL LIFE: BEAUTY IN THE FLESH
This is real life – joy and pain, beauty and suffering, uncertainty and delight, messily woven together to form a beautiful whole. Read the full post.
NOW WHAT? resources to help you make peace with paradox
Take a next step.
mine for the beauty and the wisdom in every season
The 52 Mondays series is an invitation to live seasonally and mindfully. It is a set of four seasonal mindfulness journals that invite you to attune to your inner landscape or the emotional season you’re in as you also lean into what’s happening in the natural world. In either case, my hope is that they will help you live fully present and mine for the wisdom and beauty in every season. The journals are available in soft-cover from amazon or in digital PDF version. Learn more or purchase your journals here.
the show up afraid workshop
Don’t wait for some perfect day when you no longer grapple with fear. Fear is simply a normal human emotion and you can learn to sit with fear as it arises without attaching to it, remind yourself of your strength, wisdom, and capacity to do hard things, and show up through fear, grief, stress, or struggle to what you want or need. You can keep living fully, joyfully, NOW – amid the messiness of life. You can show up afraid in every season. Learn more about this workshop.