Inside: One of the cognitive distortions that keep us stuck is all or nothing thinking. Good or bad, no in-between. If this sounds or feels familiar to you, choosing “all or something” may help.
I’ve come to the conclusion that my message can be summed up in three simple phrases: You’re imperfect; Life is messy; Show up anyway.
I love the clarity and simplicity of this.
I care about each of us deciding to fight or crawl or question our way to freedom. Making peace with the messy truth that we are imperfect and gifted. That we struggle but we are not a failure.
We may bumble our way through some life seasons but we are always worthy of compassion. Life is hard and it is worth showing up for.
A friend and I were chatting the other day and she shared a phrase she’d heard, “all or something.” I loved it.
So much of our pain is rooted in the desire for perfection or having it all figured out. We accept an all or nothing mindset because we’ve bought into the lie that to be or do less than “perfect” is unacceptable. Yet this keeps up mired in lack and fear, dejection and never, ever good enough.
“All or something” is an invitation to thrive forward through a consistent practice of imperfect action.
We want neat and tidy, no questions remaining, fully healed and arrived. But this life is a JOURNEY and a messy one at that.
Stumbling isn’t the problem. Staying down in the muck is the problem.
Trying and failing at something isn’t a big deal. Never risking or trying is a big deal.
You can’t make your dreams come to life perfectly – take responsibility for what you can control.
Loving and being rejected – that doesn’t make you less than (though the pain is real enough!). It means you risked vulnerability and loving at all.
Not feeling quite made for this world isn’t the issue though it hurts. You get to choose to show up for life in the way you know how with all your glorious quirks and unique gifts.
There’s plenty of room to play between perfection and giving up
Choose more open-ended conversation and learning from each other. Less judgment.
Two steps forward one step back. Just keep dancing.
Permission to be less than great.
Curiosity instead of certainty.
Joyful possibility.
Do you. Offer your small gifts. Offer all or something. Show up and do all or something. Set purposeful goals and aim for all or something.
This isn’t a cop-out. This is a deliberate, purposeful, well-reasoned choice.
Stop allowing fear to hold you back with an all or nothing mindset
Some days you are full of energy and confidence and other days you pull back and hide a while. But you don’t opt out altogether. All or something.
You’re learning to trust and be vulnerable and you let someone in close only to push them away again. You’re practicing. All or something.
One of your goals is to nourish your body well but you can’t always measure up to your own high standards. Remember that there is plenty of room for compassion in your life; just do all or something.
We are becoming, growing, stretching, healing and it is often far from pretty. We can choose all or something.
And when we choose all or something and release the story that we always fall short, we may accidentally pick up joy along the way.
Krista xo
Coaching for Brave, Growth-Minded Midlife Women
You’re done people-pleasing, devaluing yourself, and deferring joy for some future magical day. You’re ready to BE who you want to be in the world and learn to BE on your own side. And you’re committed to a practice of consistent values-aligned action to handcraft a life you love and that allows you to thrive in every season – even the hardest of them.
Fear Is Not The Enemy
This and others you’ve shared truly hit the mark. I’m at exactly the spot you’re referencing. You make me feel better. Thank you so much!
Hi Cheryl, I love knowing this feels encouraging for you. 🙂
This showed up in my inbox today and boy did I need it. I’ve been struggling for a long time with getting out of the muck and healing, then backtracking and so on and so forth (at least I thought). It has all felt so repetitive and just this morning, after at first trying to be thankful for recognizing I needed to do some yoga and doing it instead of binge-eating or going back to bed, I berated myself, “How many times are you going to go through this cycle, it’s always the same.” Every cycle I manage a little more, they become a little shorter and I feel more like me, more quickly. Your words really helped me, thank you!
Brilliant I used to think behave in black ‘n ‘white , all or nothing I suppose it was fear and looking for perfection , I found a grey area in the middle and I see from your post you call it something all or something reminds me to try when one trys it opens us up slowly to more of life and it’s blessing .
Love this. It leaves no room for excuses or “what it’s” or “buts”. Thank you for the reminder that something is better than nothing.
What an amazing post. Thank you Krista! xo
Thank you, Tara. I appreciate you coming over and reading:)
I like this because it is so easy to get overwhelmed by the big picture of what needs to happen in my life. I too need to remember to show up and do one thing. And then do one more. But in each moment, only one!
Yes! And it is amazing how building that habit ends up crafting, brick by brick, a beautiful, purposeful life.
Yes. I have shared this idea of all or something with so many people in the last two weeks! Thank you for articulating it so wonderfully.
Exactly what I needed to hear today! Thank you!
Hi Vicki – happy to hear it was helpful to you:)
Beautiful post!
Thank you, Melissa.
I absolutely love this. Thank you.
I’m happy you do;) Such a simple but potentially powerful idea, right?
Typos. Darn. “somethings!” Can you edit? I can’t.
Haha, No worries, Jan. You should see an Instagram comment I just left this morning. Yikes (head shake).
What a good thought and choice for those of us who have been hurt, overwhelmed and/or discouraged: “All or somethings.”
Good morning, Jan. I hope it encourages many – all or something:)